Scale Watching

It was a matter of time that I would write about this. I didn't think it was necessary to talk about weight or body image matters anymore because I no longer feel much about it. But last night, my mom called to tell me that my uncle Philip had called to tell her that I was putting on some pounds. So she called to ask if I had indeed become fatter or was it the hair that made me looked fat.

It is without a doubt that prettier people gets a little more leeway and that people are more protective of them and are more attracted to them. It is natural, it is animal instincts to like pretty things, nothing’s wrong with it. I once was at a boot camp and we had this exercise where we had to delight customers. Make lunch, set the table, served the customers. Only that the “customers” were some kindergarten children. There was this exceptionally pretty kid, she was sooo very sweet, big dolly eyes, black shinny hair and was like a miniature sweet beauty. Half of the people in my team was serving her. They coaxed her, served her food and water, waited on her, played with her, carried her around. We had like 25 people, and half of them waited on her. As usual, I have always been the background observer and I found it very amusing. Yes, pretty or beautiful people get some leeway, in some case, a lot of leeway. And this is just so natural. I once read an article that says that only ugly people would say that being pretty is not important. Many more such stuff, like from veteran Hong Kong actress Carol Cheng, she said that people who cannot control their weight cannot control their lives. Etc etc. The day I stopped watching the scale was the day I saw how my father struggled to weigh himself on the scale, hoping to weigh a few kilos more. Oh how ironic. There was I struggling to weigh less while he was struggling to weigh more. He was being self-conscious in being too thin. It was like a relief when he weighed a little more. Made me realise the degree of our humanly obsession with the image of our body. And that was the day it clicked in me and I decided that I am not the number on my scale.. Period.

Ok, this being said, it does not take away the responsibility of taking care of your body. Like eating right or exercising. So, I am still human and a rather lazy human that is. Already having a very low metabolic rate, plus a tendency of having comfort food like chips and chocolates, all not helping the situation. So here I am, weighing the heaviest ever in my life; I think. A little ashamed but thank goodness no more hating it. Okay, so I guess I would better go do some sweating exercising for my own well being. And so it goes.

Since we’re at the topic, I might as well tell you how terrible I used to feel about myself and how some words could do a lot of damage. You see, I was born with a birth mark on my right cheek. It is a patch of pigmentation like specks of freckles and the patch just grew bigger over 30 years. So since I was 4 till 16, I had people exclaiming in my face, “how horrible it must be!” or “what a pity! Such lovely face but.........” and they would continue to examine me like I was the elephant man. And so I hated them. And when it was you know, dating era, I grew to have such inferior complex that I didn’t think any guy could ever love me. And it didn’t help that I had immature boyfriends or that some guy blurted “did someone punch you?” So anyway, it was so refreshing to have met Bren cos he was the first guy who told me he loved my freckles. Well, whether he was genuine about it does not matter cos he lifted the inferior veil off my face. That invisible, self-imposed veil. And I could see again.

It was refreshing not to hide. Not to hide or wish to be unnoticed. And it is refreshing to just receive a compliment and not to shoot it down in an instant.

It is very important what food we feed our minds as much as what food we feed our stomachs.
We wouldn’t eat rotten food so why would we wanna hear rotten things?

Good riddance.

Happy Birthday To You

Hong Jing at terrific two!

I don't think people should say "the terrible two", referring to children being at their naughtiest at age two. Why don't they say "Terrific Two", cos they are at their cutest.

Well, maybe you can say that it is because I don't need to deal with them, hence my easy-going thinking. But really, they are so lovely at two.

Nice

sista

This is your Life

"This is your Life,
it is ending one minute at a time"

"How much can you know of yourself if you've never been in a fight",
"I don't wanna die without a scar"

"You are not the contents of your wallet"

Tee Kam

This toy is very cute. It is a mini, 3 inch version of the "tee kam" machines we see at the shopping malls. The thing is, it works like the real thing, of course except the coin slot is fake. Other than that, you can turn the knob, click click click, voola!, one plastic ball comes rolling down. The amazing part is that the plastic ball could be opened and there this small disc where you stick an even tinier sticker on. The amusing thing is also that you buy this from the life-size, real tee kam machine, and it comes in that plastic ball pack where you would assemble the parts and paste the stickers to complete this toy. Toy makers are ever-creative. *muack.

Margie

Margie

I had only studied there in my final 2 years of Primary Education.
That was because the school was rebuilding its campus and needed a temporary place to relocate. So in Primary 4, we had to take their examination papers to qualify entry to the school. Some of my friends didn't make the mark and were transferred to other schools.
Why was it that we were minding our business and they needed our campus but we were being absorbed? Oh ya,, my former school had a population so small that it was invaded. I guess it wasn't economic to run a small school. It was hard to adjust because I remembered being very sad that when I returned to school one new term, 90% of my teachers were gone. Sometimes, I don't understand why the adults don't take the heart to explain stuff to me. It may be a very minor thing, you know, it happens, people get retrenched, transferred, axed, whatever, but I never get to say goodbye to my teachers. Of course being such a sentimental creature like me, I was affected but no one seemed to matter. So anyway, it took several months to get over it.
But it is very interesting to note that I made my bests of freinds from my new school. I love them even till today. I remember their names, Fong Yee, Imelda, Linda. But I didn't keep in touch with them as they all moved on to the same secondary school and i went to one gangster school. I often think about them because I think I had so much joy playing with them. You see, I was from the "poor" community while they were the well-off ones. They had all the travelling to Japan & Europe and often bought me souvenirs from far away lands. They taught me to swim and fool around with the piano when I visit their homes. Fong Yee would alight from her Big Yellow School Bus and walk with me whenever she spotted me along the road. That is until the driver uncle told her mom and her mom forbade her to do so. Anyway, I often wonder what was the higher purpose for me to have studied there. As Kung Fu Panda says- "there are no accidents". I was surprised that i still have the PSLE result slip, although yellow with age, clamped in my report book. I think i didn't do too bad for my PSLE and I wondered why I enrolled myself into a gangster secondary school. Can you imagine the only reason I chose that school was becase it had the most number of SBS buses from home. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT??!!! I cannot fathom that I was so boh chap about myself and I am also aghast that I was left to mind my own life at age 12. Well, I had a lot of FUN there, no doubt about it.., Just that sometimes I do wonder about my life's route and how some timely or untimely decisions shapped my life. Like I am still a little angry with my mother for unwisely FORCING me to drink BRERRACOL (spelling) cough mixture for a cough i had on the morning of my O levels English paper. I struggled to stay awake and was drousy like a drug tripper fighting to stay focus. It was fortunate I had a B but that was with a swaying mind. I think I could have done better, but well, let's not talk about it. I made a lot of mistakes at my gangster school, mainly was about me not putting an effort in my acedemics. But the rest of the time there was PURE HAPPINESS. I could count my secondary school life as one of my best times. I was an Ah Lian in an Ah Lian group. But we were not the "bad ah lians", we don't join secret societies, don't shoplift, don't smoke nor do sex. The only way we were seen as Lians was due to our loud "fashion" as well as our unruly manners. I do look back at my Ah Lian fashion sense with good humour nowadays. Those unthinkable fashion sense we had. I guess this is part of growing up and I am very glad that I had gone through that phase. There are many qualities on honour, reliability, teamwork & comrade which I learnt and enjoyed. I have always felt very fortunate to have lived the 80s. I do see a rehash of the 80s candy fashion a few years back and I'll tell you, it's not even close to the real thing. Nothing compares to the loud colours we had, the baggy to slim sleeves, the psycadelic colours for accessories to eyewear (ya, i had big rimmed glasses in both brown and white). the big hair and pale lipstick colours. oh how the fashion moved. the noisy Japanese clogs, I had my school blouse first in small, then in XXLarge, and back to small again. Ya, then came the "alibaba" pants, and later those high-cut sports shoes. I bought mine from Bossini. ya, they had footware some 19 years ago. and yes,, the suspenders and tie phase. the nerdy straight fringe phase, did that, done that, you name it. when we were students, we didn't have money to go to the saloon, we just bleached our hair with hair bleach. the effect is very nice. the hair looks brown under the sun but not indoor, so we could skip being apprehended & reprimanded. maybe i could try this again. So you can see, i had spent all my time having a ball. I only have a hint of regret that I didn't put my brain in good use but I would like to not think of it like that. Oh well, that's life and this' me.

=)

Hong Jing

oh so cute

Some Sightings

My colleague bought this bottle of chewing gums from Japan. It has this tiny booklet of soft, thin, paper, packed in that bottle.
You got it, it is for you to wrap your used gum before discarding into the bin. How thoughtful.
I wonder if this would lift the ban we have here on gums or if Singaporeans would ever bother to use the packet of paper at all.
You know, we brought it upon ourselves on this ban. We proved to be too immature for it. You may not remember how unsightly the floors were when we had gums. or how we get gums stuck onto our nice outfits. I could still remember the frustration I had when gum got stuck on one of my very expensive skirt. Of course I miss chewing gum, I am an expert at it. I could do the TUK TUK TUK up to like five, six times at one go. I had swallowed gum at the expense of learning the trick when I was seven.
But I would rather not have gums on my skirts if you ask me.

The other picture you see is of an SBS bus. Bus number 105 to be exact.
Surprise, surprise. Isn't this cosy?
I think it was specially sponsored by NUS or something. The whole bus had their ads all over.

Tea with Pepper

Life's a Beach

Idealistic Weekend

Shift

I am not sure what has happened but I have become detached to my work.

I said I am not sure but I guess underlying me, I know why.

There is such a shift in me, I now reach work at 8 in the morning. Like a whole 45 minutes earlier than I used to.
I used to be perpatually & punctually late for work at 845am every day,
but since that hospital stay, I now wake up at 6 plus in the morning.

My sis said it was only two days that I was at the hospital. How could it affect my body clock.
Ya, it was not that two days that changed my body clock. It was my heart.

So, let's not dwell on the past mistakes, let me tell you how I've actually become a much lighter person.

=)

I have been given 3 weeks' home rest by the doctor, but still, there's this thing called work.
So I go into the office in the morning, get some work done, and leave at 1pm. I would just do as much as i can. Of course there will perpetually be more outstanding work, but I have learnt to leave them for tomorrow. The world can wait.
My Life Can't.

So, ther's a thing called Life.

Life with Friends, Life with Family.

So, I live impromptu.

Call my mom on the phone, my sis, my friends.

Hello, where are you? Whatca doin? OK, I'll come find you. Now.

So, off I went to Bintan for a weekend.

And off I went to join my sis & mom for an afternoon tea, brought Pepper to the dog's cafe.

And off I went to empty my wardrobe full of clothings. Packed half off to be given away. Throw, throw, throw.
Out with the old. I'm renewed.

Arranged with cousin Simon to come over this Saturday.
Finally. Been saying it for 5 years now. Hey, you'ld better come, i said. Yes I will, he said. Finally, he said.
I wanna show him the Atlas book he wrapped for me in 1986. I kept it till now. Is that 22 years? I am an historian.
We used to fight when we were young. Squabble. And I used to be so angry with him.
So when he wrapped my text books on the eve of my Sec 1 day, I was touched.
I kept the Atlas for momento.
I told him about this recently.
He didn't remember we used to fight.
Boys.
They don't remember hard feelings I guess.
So, ya. I am mushy, I know.
Isn't that great?

An Apple A Day

Keeps The Doctor Away

I was hospitalised last Saturday and was discharged on Monday.
I had this condition known as "Diverticular Disease".
What a big word;;; it means my diet lacked fibre, lacked fruits, vegetable and water for too long. The large intestine overworked to push the broken stools along, hence, over time, it weakens and becomes thicker, which is abnormal. Ladies and gentlemen, dehydration does not only mean you dont drink sufficient water, but external stress factors like mental and emotional stress constitute to dehydration too. oh, now it is beginning to make sense. it all adds up- neglect to my diet, prolonged rushing of lunch, ignoring the blotedness, laziness, not chewing my food, as well as work stress all added to this.
I would like to look at this positively, I said.
OK, so what did i learn?
wake up call. health is indeed important. initially, i thought it was appendititis and i was scared out of my pants. I am afraid of any operation and was afraid that i may never wake up. that would be a shame.
I have very little knowledge that this infection of the intestine could actually be easily cured with antibiotics, which did me a lot of good. the vitro drip was converted to oral tablets so that i can go home.
I spent ten hours at the A&E, seeing the doctor, test blood, test urine, scanned the uterus to make sure all was well. by the time i got a bed, it was 7pm. but i still think that they have done an excellent job for me.
oh, i have to tell you this,, you know, if you know of anyone having to check in at the hospitals, please do test the nurse-call buttons but at the bed and the one in the bathroom. My friend's father fell in the bathroom and that button didn't work.
for me, i had a drug allergic reaction to my first drip in the wee hours, my face was hot and itchy, tensed, palms reddening itchy and painful, i pressed the button repeatedly but no help came! They had forgotten to plug in the electrical cord. My saving grace was that I was next to the window outlooking the nurse station. so i waved and waved for attention. Luckily they flushed me with Saline and i was fine after a few hours. I have very little exposure to medicines so I didn't know of any allergy before.

So anyway, there were three other patients in the room.
One had an operation on her nose / breathing passage as she said she always turn green if she goes anywhere with some altitude. she gets breathless easily. so she decided to go for this operation to help her breathe better as she was afraid if she dont do anything about it, her brain may be affected as she age. she said she is still young, like 46, and she wants to be old and healthy. she is a Mandarin Tuition Teacher for 25 years. She said she loves to travel with her husband and they always go holiday in China, Taiwan and other Hilly areas. Her husband's motto is "bu yao ren zai tian tang, qian zai ying hang" means, you're in heaven while your money's in the bank. their motto is to live a full live, earn money, live well and travel.

Another lady, she has a seven yr old kid and a one yr old baby. she found out she had tyroid cancer after giving birth to her baby and had her tyroid removed. she is very cheerful, positive, makes fun of herself, and i say again, positive. she has this sunny disposition that her doctors called her their preferred patient.

Then there was this lady that had a concussion after falling off a golf buggy. she was whinning the whole time about being giddy, body pain, and that she was humid hot. everyone tried to be supportive, told her to be patient as it is natural for the body to take some time to heal and recover. she was very cranky as she was not allowed to bathe for a few days. The whole time i was passively listening to the conversations that took place and never volunteered about myself. On the last day, I surprised myself when i walked up to that cranky lady and gave her a sachet of my shampoo because she was allowed to bathe that morning. she was delighted and i was pleased with myself.

So, that's so much for my eventful weekend.
Will still need to go for follow-up checks as well as an endoscopy in a few months time.